Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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