She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
