He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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