I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
