If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
