there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
