I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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