i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
