Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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