I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
