She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
