Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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