I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
