if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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