Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
