I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He better not be in your backpack
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
