So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
