need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
