My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
