Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
