Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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