1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
