Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize