I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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