did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
