First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
