You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
