The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
