The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
