Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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