I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
