So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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