no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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