would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
