Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
