Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
