I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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