I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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