all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
