I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
