I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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