My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
