I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My vagina just recognized that song.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
