I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
