I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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