I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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