what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
