And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
