normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
