dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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