He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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