I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
