I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
