ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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