I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm too high and old for this...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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