i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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