apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
