I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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