We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
