I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
