Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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