You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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