no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
