just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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